Sunday, May 24th, 2020
(This is mostly true)
You and your family have been waiting to head to the Cape since last fall. You are lucky enough to have purchased a small cottage near P-Town. Your family has a husband and wife and two small children who have been home since schools were closed in New York. You waited until Memorial Day to head up to the beach as you have been screening social media in the Cape. “No New Yorkers”. Our Covid is different than the Cape kind. It is Tough, It is Smart. It is Strong. Not like the soft, cuddly Cape kind.
The car ride was actually kind of pleasant. Escape from New York. Snake Plistten would be proud. The Parents decide the best time to hit the Cape would be the Thursday night before the weekend rush. All those stories of the Bourne Bridge traffic. Better go at night, when it will be hard to see the New York plates. The militia guarding the bridge may be taking a break looking for a few cold ones.
The kids slept the whole way. Got there in no time. Over the bridge and heading through the Cape. You notice the electronic display signs that say “Physical Distancing between Cars”. The husband and wife ask, “Can cars get Covid?”
Driving through the Cape at night there is nothing open but Cumbersome Farms. You ask the kids “Do you want Ice Cream?” An explosion of cheers. The husband goes inside and finds out there hasn’t been ice cream for a week. He settles for something he hasn’t seen in months – a roll of Charmin. When he goes to pay, the cashier asks, “Where you from?”
You hesitate. But give it a shot, “New York”. “Sorry we are closed.” That New York Covid thing again.
Get in the car and offer the kids those wiggly sweet candies. It wasn’t the promised ice cream. They cross their arms and give you the mad face. You drive the rest of the way and find your new cottage. You carry the kids into bed promising them a day at the beach tomorrow.
When you wake you do an inspection of the house and notice that there are a number of small repairs that need to be made. Thank goodness you have the name of a handyman. Before you leave for the beach you call him. You walk him through the list, he says, “No Problem…..by the way, where you folks from?“ And it is at that moment you realize when you dribble out “New York”, that you are in trouble. “Isn’t that where the CNN guy is from? Always kidding with his brother”. Being from New York, I think he means the Governor. “Not certain, who you are referring to?” By now my New York antennae are up. “You know that Italian guy that is always talking about his daughters. Pretty funny.” You think maybe you are ok, “So can you help us?” “Nope booked up….all summer”.
You take the news hard. But you are New Yorkers. You are tough…strong…..
You decide to wait until you get back from the beach to look for another repairman. You pack up. Ask the kids to go to the bathroom before you leave. You get to the beach and the first thing they want….a bathroom. None to be found. They were removed. “Hold it in till you get in the water.” The kids buy into the plan. You pack your things. Put on your masks. No not the kind for snorkeling but the n95s…which are now sold at the shops where you used to get the inflatable rafts. You put them on now, more to hide that you are from New York and head to the beach. You find an appropriately social distance spot.
Your kids are eating snacks when the people next to you shout out, “Keep your food inside the bags!” You wonder aloud, “Why?” “Woman got bit yesterday from a Coyote”. Don’t know what to make of it, but everyone around you are nodding their heads. You look at each other and decide to head to the water. Where you see these oversized signs, “Swim at your own risks. These waters are known for feeding grounds for Great White sharks.” Very funny. I saw Jaws. We pull out our cell phones and look up Cape Cod and search for Great Whites. No Joke. Multiple shark attacks last summer. No one told us when we bought our cottage. Where is Chief Brody and Captain Quint when you need them. You immediately think these sharks are New York tough.
To sum this up. The beach has roving coyotes. The water has Great Whites. You have to socially distance. There is a special kind of Covid in the Cape.
We pack up and head back to New York.
Like I said, this story is mostly true. All that was missing was someone with a southern drawl, “Y’all come back real soon”.
Happy Memorial Day Weekend!
P.S. Proud to be a New Yorker in these times. Thanks to all New Yorkers and the Governor for getting us this far!
